After The Love Is Gone...Or Is It?
Tips For Surviving The Break-Up Blues
It's the last day of Love's Journey for the both of you. She packs her things and walks out the door. She hands you the key to your apartment before she leaves. Should you give her a hug? Will she look at you in the eye one last time? Or will you bring on the tears in front of her?
No. It's over. Time to go.
It was a dream in the beginning: beautiful dinners, flowers, presents, passionate lovemaking, exciting and adventurous travels filled with lots of entertainment and fun. At first there were the visitations, her place, your place. Then you decided love meant living together and being together all the time. Love was saying all the right things and doing all the things she asked you to do. Holding hands in public. Smiling and laughing together in front of your friends. Making trips to family occasions. Staying up late at night eating ice cream and watching your favorite movies. Giving her cards and dinners for every special occasion.
But as the years passed you suddenly began to notice you were in a nightmare rather than a dream: constant arguments, fights, petty jealousies, worries, and perhaps the biggest one: the thrill of being love. Slowly each day becomes a burden like one of those jobs that you want to quit but you can't do it yet because its convenient and comfortable. Routine, routine, routine. Clock in, clock out. You want to put in your two week notice with her. You want to walk out on her. But you can't. You're afraid your life will get worse if you leave. You're afraid of change. And so you suck it up, put a smile on your face, and go to work...errrr..the relationship, of course.
So you watch and wait for the trigger. She knows what triggers you into that raging monster with a coat of buttons. And you know how to tickle her pickle. Yelling. Slamming doors. Getting a room in a motel far away. You both know the signs are there. And so after years of being together, you decide to break up and go your separate ways.
Now it's the day after. You're standing in the middle of your home alone. You feel relieved at first thinking about the freedom you have again. You look around the apartment and she is gone for good. Absolutely. The keys are lying on the counter. And the longer you stand there, you start to feel a bit nervous. Is it really over? Is she out of your life forever? You want to be strong and man about the break-up. But how do you cope with the emotional triggers and memories after the love is gone? Here are a few do's and don't to survive break-up blues...
Don't Listen To Love Songs
Whatever you do stay away from the songs that you both sung or danced to...crooner ballads, soft rock, one hit wonder love songs, forget them. If you listen to those songs, your life in the next 24 hours is going to be one sappy string of tearful moments and love sick phone calls to your best guy friends our of town. Listen to songs that take you away from memory lane. Throw on songs that make you wanna dance!
Don't Eat At ‘Our Favorite Restaurant'
Nothing is worse than going to that special place where you both used to dine out. Her favorite meal is staring at you in the face from the menu. Suddenly you flashback to that perfect evening: great service, great pasta, great wine, and the best after-dinner sex. If you don't want to be a 9-11 dispatch emergency, think about going somewhere you haven't been before ‘cuz your new life deserves new memories.
Don't Call Her...No Matter What!
The shock of breaking up can lead you to a possible relapse as you're sitting at home alone on a Saturday night eating your favorite pizza and watching a movie...without her, of course. Suddenly you feel the urge as you remember those evenings when the two of you enjoyed cooking together your favorite meals as you discuss life and all its current events. You want to call her. You hold the cellphone in your hand and her number comes up. STOP! Put the phone down. Get back to watching the movie and finishing that last slice of pepperoni.
Don't Hold Your Breath
If you were in a relationship for a long time, you are going to feel the blues in the first few days and weeks. You are going to feel awkward. There are going to be moments when you will feel like you are being suspended in an empty space. It's hard to avoid the relationship void, but don't hold your breath while you do. Do things that will get your mind out of depression because it's going to hurt like hell. It's going to sting a bit. Breathe. Workout. Take a walk. Play with your pets. Read your favorite books and magazines. Go out and have fun!
Do What You Want
When you were in the relationship, you probably complained you couldn't do what you wanted. You argued over being out late with your friends. She reprimanded you for trying to be so slick. You questioned her about being out with her girlfriends. It was an endless cycle of blame and shame. But now you don't have anymore. She is gone. G-O-N-E. So do what you want. Call up those friends you ignored for years. Take a trip or vacation somewhere exciting and adventurous where you can meet all kinds of people.
Do Take Care of Yourself
Letting the love go, doesn't mean letting yourself go. Take care of yourself. Exercise. Keep yourself clean. Meditate. If you were the Slob on The Job in your relationship, now is the time to learn something new about yourself. Okay, Mr. Clean?
The days and nights may seem longer now but...
Face it. She's not there anymore. Isn't that what you wanted? It's Over. So get over it. At first you might feel lovesick but you're still here. Okay, so go ahead, look in the mirror! Yes, that's good...and as they say in show business: The show must go on. Now get on out of here.
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April 2008 
Maurice
Access: Public
